Tales from Barnards Road: 2008

Hello All, the photos and writings in this portion of the blog are in no special sequence they are just memories and thoughts I keep of my loving dad, "Sweet Louie" - Steve

8.27.08

The hummingbird buzzed my bright yellow hardhat trying to see, if in fact, I was the best thing to have happened in his time here on the Six Rivers National Forest this summer. His life, much like mine had been turned upside down by events this year. His was a raging forest fire that reset his territory for the rest of his lifetime. Mine has been the loss of the two most important mentors in my life and the blossoming of life through marriage to the most wonderful woman I have ever known.

My friend of 25 years Edward, a retired art teacher always helped me to see the bright side of life and rediscover my passion for art and looking at life through a different filter than what most people use to judge their time here on the ground. I do so miss his laugh and him claiming me as “my child”. Ed’s cancer was long and drawn out, taking a full 18 years to claim its prize. My dad, Sweet Louie, on the other hand had a quick and unsuccessful bout with his cancer. It was such an anguishing process to see the strongest man I have ever known slimed down to a mere shadow of his former self. Through the process though he never lost his sense of humor or his love of life and my mom and brother and sisters. I just wish I could have given him one last hug and told him how much I admired and loved him.

The sharp pain of bumping my knee into a stub of a fallen tree brings my mind back to the task at hand. Review of fire suppression repair work has kept me busy for the past 10 days straight. With an average of 13 hours per day my mind has had a lot of time to think about things usually kept to the rear of my consciousness. As a person who makes his living based on my knowledge of science, I know that death is just a part of the natural cycle. Still it gives me little comfort to see a river reform itself after a flood or a forest sprout back to life after a fire like today on this review. What is the natural cycle for humans? Is there some sort of rebirth or continuation that is in store for us after death? I guess that is why there is religion, to give people some sort of hope through the ages that life does not stop at death.

The sweat on my head from the hardhat makes me adjust it, like that will bring some relief. The temperature is rising just like breeze, it has shifted to upslope, must be about 10 am, I check my watch, yep. I have another hour of hiking to reach the truck.

I have never been a very religious person as I usually resort to swearing in those times of stressful danger or trouble. “Christ”, that was the worst I ever heard my dad swear. Still, I am curious about all this rebirth of ones self after death. I see so many people not living this life to its fullest just so they can have a better life after death. I just have to watch Isabella, my new step-daughter at play with her Barbie’s and I see how life should be lived, at top speed and full of possibilities only limited by the imagination. What a jolt of life has been injected into my existence with her in my life. It is quite a privilege on those rare occasions when at play she forgets that I am “Steven” and she calls me dad. It is amazing to me now the little things that make me cry, a song, a movie, a smile, even a thought. My emotions are so close to the surface sometimes I am not sure which skin I am living in.

I’m nearing the top of the ridge now and my sweat and breathing make me take a rest. The hummingbird makes a second appearance to see if by chance the situation has changed. Seeing that I will not be a fulfilling lunch, he departs as quickly as he appeared, and I, with tears in my eyes, whisper after him “Happy Birthday Dad”.